April 12th, 2009

On April 12, 2009 I posted a status on Facebook. Below is my original post. Wow talk about a journey. I do not have enough time right now to tell you how that one day, that one moment, that one invitation changed my life.

“Just wanted to write a quick note about how things have been going the last few weeks…
I took myself off my anti-depressants, cold turkey. I haven’t had this much energy in a long time. I also hadn’t been able to cry for awhile now.

I went to my cousin Darryl’s church called The Oasis. It is a christian church. I had been wanting to go for awhile now. My other cousin Michelle was having a small service for her son (I forget what it was called) and it was Easter Sunday. As soon as the band started playing music I started tearing up. You know how most of us try to hide it when we cry. I was doing just that. The songs the band sang touched me. The message my cousin preached was a good one. Then they showed scene’s from the movie The Passion of the Christ (if you haven’t seen this movie you really should!). The part of the movie where Christ is walking up the hill carrying the cross that he was going to be crucified on just made me even more emotional.
I went to church that day not having a job, facing the possibility of having to move in with my mom and giving up all my pets (my two cats, my dog, and my bird). I was truly lost with no direction and I felt that I had no future.
A few days after church my mom called me and said I could move in with her and bring my pets. I never thought that would have EVER happen. The job prospects still aren’t great as we all know. But I don’t feel as lost and alone and dreading my future as I had before.

I went to church again last Sunday and took a friend with me. This friend has been a lost soul just like me. Her future just as uncertain as mine. She had the same emotions I had the first time I went. I hope she has the same outcome as I did. That she feels her future isn’t so dark and lonely as she once did.

I have never been a religious person. I have been angry with God for a long time. I felt like I had been abandoned and that He had forgotten about me. I can’t explain the feelings I have about religion or God because unless you experience it for yourself you just will never understand.”