I woke up and proceeded with my normal day. Little did I know it would anything but normal…
My dad was awake and getting ready for his appointment with the Pulmonologists he had that morning. He was looking forward to this appointment. He said that it was going to be the doctor who will help him breathe better. He was currently on oxygen and just out of the hospital. I will talk about his extended in and out of the hospitals visits in another post later.
I went to work and received that dreaded phone call we all never want to get. It was my husband Corey. I don’t remember the exact words but he said that the ambulance was taking my dad to the hospital. My dad was unconscious and I needed to get to the hospital right away.
I don’t remember the drive but before I left work I did text Ruth from Oasis Vineyard Church and asked her to send out a prayer request for my dad. At some point during the drive I called Darrel (my cousin and pastor) and asked him to pray with me. I was scared and didn’t know what I would find out when I walked through the those hospital doors. Darrell must have heard the sheer panic & fear in my voice. He stopped me from running into the hospital with a quick prayer.
I walked into the hospital and was quickly rushed to the area where the ambulance workers standing and where the doctors and nurses were working on him.
I heard the flat-line machine sounds. I looked in and saw someone half sitting on my dad giving him chest compression’s. I remember thinking “that is not how it looks on television”. It seemed like everything went into slow mode. I watched them insert epinephrine over and over again into his IV as the did the compression’s and the shock paddles. I heard his heart trying to start again but only for a few beats then nothing. This went on and on as they continued to work on him.
I do not know how long I stood there watching. But all of the sudden I felt like I was going to pass out. Corey had the nurse bring me over a chair to sit next to the room door. I stayed out in the hall to allow the doctors to work on him. As I sat down I sent a group text message to all my siblings. I tried calling my sister Sherry on her cell phone but could not reach her. So I called my mom, quickly told her what was going on and asked her to see if she could reach her or Chris. I called my uncle George and left a voicemail. I had forgotten at that time he was getting ready for surgery on his neck. My next call was to my aunt Peggy. I told her what was going on and told her to come to the hospital right away.
I remember looking over at the ambulance team. They kept watching me as I sat in my chair and started rocking back and forth listening to them work on him and saying over and over “stubborn old man, stubborn old man”. Did they know my dad was not going to make it?
I do not know how long this went on for but the next thing that happened would change my life forever. The doctor came out to Corey (my dad had signed papers to appoint Corey as his medical power of attorney) and I heard a little of what was said. There was nothing else they could do and he was deprived of oxygen for way too long. The decision was ultimately made by the doctor to stop trying to revive him. The doctor walked back into the room and pronounced the date and time of death and it was over. My dad was gone. I had to send that group text to the siblings and all I could say was “he is gone I am so sorry”. At this point my aunt arrived and reminded my my uncle was in surgery today. I had to give her the news. Not long after that I had to call my sister and tell her what happened. The next thing I knew Juli & Mike arrived. Cassie arrived as well.
Then Pastor Darrell walked in. I went straight to him and hugged him. I think God knew I needed a physical presence of HIM and Darrell was the best thing HE could send me. Darrell came in and took charge of setting up arrangements and telling us all what would happen next and what to expect. I guess in Darrell’s line of work he deals with death a lot. I know it sounds silly but I believe that was God’s way of telling me HE was there with me.
The rest of what happened while I was at the hospital is a blur. I went home and just wanted to hug my grand babies. My friend LaDawn was living with me at the time. She told me about how Tayler went in to my dads room with her to see if his glasses were in his room (we couldn’t find them at first so I called her and asked for her to look). Tayler asked LaDawn where ampa was. LaDawn didn’t know what to say so she said he was at the doctors. Tayler lifted up his blanket on his bed, set her teddy bear on his bed, and said “no he is gone”.
Later that day Tayler was playing in her playhouse in the backyard and was talking away. So I asked her who she was talking to and she said “ampa’. I asked her what they were talking about. She said that ampa told her she needed to be a good girl. So I asked her, “did ampa tell you to be a good girl for mommy”. She said “No he said I needed to be a good girl for you nama”…
The day after and all the days leading up to where things are now is another long story that I will write about later. Today is about remembering a man who always showed me he loved me, a man who always supported me even when I did do things well, and a man who has left a deep void in my life & heart. I miss you so much Daddy!
Behind The Brown Door 