One of my first relationships was a toxic one. He was controlling, jealous, and physically & emotionally abusive. It did’t take long for me to figure out that this was not a normal relationship. I was only 17. I have had more relationships than I care to admit to. But I was usually pretty quick to get out of the bad ones. I was also really quick to get out of the good ones. Still to this day I do not know why I chose to end some of my relationships. I had a few of the good guys out there and for some reason I didn’t let them stick around.
Did I feel like I didn’t deserve to be happy? I would give anything for someone to tell me why. Why did you let the good ones go?
Now I am in the midst of watching someone I love continue a relationship that has potential to go a very wrong & unsafe directions. I am helpless to do anything. That is what hurts the most. I am powerless to stop or help.
I heard this person say the standard things that women say when they are in toxic relationships. Things like “well if I didn’t make him mad then…”, “why should I end a ‘good’ relationship”, or “I can fix this”.
If things continue on the course they are on now then this can only end one of two ways. Neither way is something I want to sit around and wait for.
All I can do right now is pray for all of the people involved and for God’s Will to be done.
Behind The Brown Door 