For a long time I have been putting off going to a psychologist or therapist. I always felt like I was too busy and didn’t think it would help. I have tried a few times. So because of the issues I have been going through I decided to give it another try. So I logged into the insurance website and searched for attributes I thought would be helpful for me. I made the appointment for Thursday May 22. I was ready to just explode and talk about the things I had been going through.
I walked into the therapists office and got comfortable. The therapist said those magic words, “so what brings you here today?” I started talking about the last year starting back in June of 2024…and then it happened. The therapist says, “well before we get into all of that let’s get a little family history.” So for the full hour I told her about all my parents marriages, divorces, siblings, etc. I had to repeat myself several times and I felt like I was not even being listened to.
I felt again like I was just another person coming in to complain about how bad my life is and how I couldn’t cope. I get that family background and history is important and it shapes who we are. But that was 100% unhelpful for me. I made another appointment with the therapist and left the office.
That is when it hit me. I was ready to spill about what I really needed to talk about and was not allowed to. Aren’t I paying for them to listen to what I need to talk about?
As I drive home from the appointment something happened. I started having major heart palpitations and felt like my mind and body were completely out of my control. So I pulled over and called my husband and explained what had just happened and how I was feeling. I also called my friend Machelle, and my daughter.
I felt in that moment that this was the closest I had ever come to having a mental breakdown and didn’t know what to do. So after talked to the 3 amigo’s (hubby, friend & daughter) I made the tough decision and took myself to the emergency room.
They did the standard tests to rule out any kind of physical issue that could have been causing all my symptoms and ruled out anything major medical. So I was referred to a lady who handles the mental health issues that come in the ER and she referred me to a place called Salt Lake Behavioral Health. I called them as I was waiting to be discharged from the ER. By sheer luck I was actually able to do an intake the next day (Friday May 23rd) with an RN named Michelle at SLBH.
Over the last few months I was having ongoing discussions with my boss and she encouraged me that if I needed to take some time off she would support me 100%. Such a huge change from the prior boss that was demoted and taken out of that role. That is a whole other story I will get into at another time, it was part of the trauma I had been through for the last year.
So after finding out how the IOP (Intense Outpatient Program) group therapy worked and what was required of me to attend I had a conversation with my husband & daughter. Already dealing with financial, emotional, physical, and mental issues I made a tough decision and went on FMLA and Short-Term Disability at work. On Tuesday May 27th I had my first group therapy session. I will post about that first session and more on what brought me there on my next post.
Behind The Brown Door 